Attempts at friendship: part one of a (possible) series.

I've been here nearly two months now and so far I have no one here who I would call a proper friend (except maybe my landlady, who I chat with daily). I leave in mid-May and honestly can't bare the thought of leaving, having spent nearly half a year here, and not having anyone to say goodbye to. I think part of this friendlessness is because generally in the past I have relied on other factors for developing friendships with people, such as seeing someone regularly because we have the same classes, or because we have friends in common.

Today I decided to stop being afraid and living like a hermit in my flat, so I went into uni and did some visual diary work in my studio. The studios are pretty communal: we get a desk and some wall space to ourselves, but we're all crammed in together in this open space so I generally end up saying hi or chatting to other art students whenever I'm in there. I've realised that the 'be polite and friendly but shy' approach obviously isn't working for me so far, so once I was done doing work at my desk I packed up and (before leaving) I stopped by another art students spot (who I've had friendly small talk with before) and said hello. I explained to him that I was only here for a few more months and was kind of desperate to make some friends and asked if we could exchange numbers. He was super nice about it and obliged (thankgod). It felt quite awkward to say outright: 'Hi, I'm lonely and I want to be your friend', but it's the truth really, and I have no interest in wasting any more of my time here being aloof and cool. I like to consider myself to be very transparent and honest, so I felt that reaching out to an (almost) stranger just shows who I consider myself to be, or at least who I want to be. I'm not going to pretend anymore that I don't want people to think I like them. I'm done being 'cool'. Anyway, I walked out of the studios and straight away accidently deleted the guys number from my phone and had to walk back into the studios to get it back... and walked straight into him talking to his friends as he finished the sentence "...felt kinda sorry for her'. So, obviously he was talking about me, but whatever. If I was him, I'd feel sorry for me too, haha. But anyway, I got his number of him again and his friends all talked to me a bit (asked where I'm from, what's my name) and were overall quite friendly, which was a relief. I tried to make light of my awkward loneliness ('Hi, yeah, I'm the lonely exchange student' :P), because I wanted them to see I was friendly and lighthearted, not some lonely, sad, pathetic thing who's trying to tag along with them. They suggested we catch up for pint down the pub at some point, which leaves me feeling pretty happy, as it suggests they're interested in a possible friendship as well :) I think I'm generally a likeable person (although I know there are people out there who would beg to differ) and I don't feel worried about how these potential friendships could turn out. If it turns out the people I talked to aren't nice, or we just don't get along, then that's cool - it's happens... at least I tried. On the other hand, if we end up being friends (even if it is just casual drinking buddies) then that's awesome, that's exactly what I'm looking for.

Big things and little things.

The past few days have been really eventful. I'm writing this blog right now to kind of catch how I'm feeling at this time.

First thing: I am currently in home in Perth. I flew back in on Thursday and I'm heading back to L-Town on Monday morning so it's been a kinda crazy, whirlwind, last minute trip. I was supposed to go to Brighton this weekend but changed plans, cancelled my bookings in Brighton and bought plane tickets to Perth just a few days ago.

I came back to Perth because I needed to see my friend Belle. Most people reading this will know that she's dying of cancer, so this weekend was pretty much the last time I'll see her. I wasn't originally going to come back... I called her when I found out, and we chatted for a bit and I just realised that right now, the other side of the world is not where I need to be. She didn't know I flew back, so it was nice to surprise her at her party on Friday night.

So yeah. These past 2 days in Perth have been really wonderful. It's so nice to be home and see friends and have them be happy to see me and be happy to see them. Right now there's a lot of closeness within my group of friends (and also between my mum and I) so it's nice to have that, even if it is because of something so sad. I hold nothing but love in my heart.

Right now it's nearly 2am on Sunday morning and I'm jetlagged. I'm not sure what else there is to say. It's funny being home: nothing has changed. I don't feel I've even been away. And part of me feels really bad when I think of going back to my second home in London, because it's lonely there. I haven't made a lot of friends (or any, let's be real) so there's definitely an isolation thing going on in my head. I want to stay here, with people I love, but at the same time I can also feel a fondness/familiarity for London, so it's not all bad going back. It's kind of like... a slightly happy resignation feeling? Or... I feel sad, but strong, like I know I can do it, regardless of homesickness. Being in London is hard, but I really do love it there. I'm glad I'm there. Losing Belle, as hard as it is, has pushed me to not allow myself to take things for granted. I don't want to waste another moment of my life dwelling on useless, sad stuff when I could be outside smelling roses and shit. This is it.

I feel like the past 7 weeks I've been in London have been me 'testing the waters', so to speak. Like, I've dipped my toes in, got a feel for it and now I'm back in Perth briefly to get a hug and a pep talk from the people I love and I'm ready for round 2: I can do this. I know where home really is for me and right now I have this awesome opportunity and it's already going so fast and I wanna make the most of it. As much as I wanted to come back to see Belle, I know I personally needed to come back too. I really am the kind of person who would fly from one side of the world to the other just for a hug. And I'm ok with that :)

Isabelle, I'm not sure if you'll read this but I'm putting it here anyway: I love you. I (and all of us - your friends) are so lucky to have known you <3

Soggy biscuits

Hi everyone!

So, I haven't updated in over a week (nearly 2 actually- eek!) and I have no real excuse for that other than that I don't feel I've been doing stuff worth blogging about. I expected the frequency of my posts would start to slow once I started uni, but because I was so busy... not because I was so un-busy, as is the case now. I'll admit I am struggling a lot with the way things are at my university. I honestly haven't had a proper class yet that I am supposed to go to (I've been going to history lectures and life drawing classes, but they're optional). We're supposed to have a 'personal tutor' who kind of mentors us as we develop our own body of work, and then there's these 'sources and references' seminars were we get together in groups and discuss our work. So far I've had no contact with my tutor (I've contacted them, but they're also the head of the department as well, so they're super busy, I guess) and I can never find when and where the seminars are on. Pin up boards in the studios are only so helpful. I hate to complain. This right now is the time when I need to get over this dependency on 'mentors' and deadlines, and develop a way of working where I can be self motivated and meet self-set goals under my own steam... but I'm struggling. I'm sitting on my laurels. I know what I want to do for my project, but at the moment it's still just some doodles and notes and brain storms in my visual diary. I think my goal for the next week should be to actually make something... ANYTHING. I just need to start churning things out, to kind of get my brain (and hands) really going, to get ticking a bit faster than they have been.

ANYWAY.

I have been attempting to keep busy. I've joined the gym at uni (I think I already mentioned it?). I'm really enjoying getting back into fitness and running. I also enjoy working out little routines (like what to pack if i'm going to a class then the gym; how to organise my workout with the bus timeable) because it's sort of settling. I like that I have a life in London, so to speak. I mean, I'll probably get bored and restless eventually but right now I like to see this change as it's happening.

I've also started volunteering at a local vegan store in Kings Cross. I had my first shift yesterday and the bossman (owner) seems pretty cool and I think he wants me back. I got free cake during my shift, so I'm definitely going back, haha. Next Saturday is their 2nd Anniversary so I'm heading in, not to volunteer but to just check it out and maybe meet some of the other vollies. And there's free ice-cream! (I'm sensing a theme here...)

Last night I went to see The Black Keys. I really enjoyed it:

Early in their set I heard some guy behind me mention to his friend how he saw The Black Keys years ago at Fly-by, which is a place in Fremantle. I turned around and asked, turns out he was a Perthian too! His mate was from Sydney but we spent the rest of the show rocking out together and then they were nice enough to invite me out with them afterwards as they were heading into Soho to keep drinking. I had a few drinks and jumped around to this cover band in an Irish pub, then caught the bus home. It was so nice to get out and socialise!

I like to keep my posts generally packed with photos so below are just a random collection from the past 2 weeks.

So, in case you can't tell from these photos, it snowed this week! I was so excited when it started coming down on Sunday night and I was so anxious to wake up the next morning super early because... I don't know, it's like I had this fear that if I waited too long someone would come along and clear away all the snow before I got a chance to play in it/take photos. Anyway, almost everyone has seen the photo of my first snowman (snowchild?) ever, but I'm putting it here for the sake of the blog. Bottom photo is of the grounds outside the art department at uni. So pretty! I am also really glad Ella lent me her boots, as my $10 canvas slip-ons would not have protected my feet from the snow for long. Thanks Ella!

Huuuuge selection of vegan cupcakes at a Whole Foods market in Kensington. I had the choc-chip and walnut banana with toffee butter-cream. Sound good? It sure damn was.

This is the reason I was at a Whole Foods market in the first place: for my veganiversary. It's been about 3 years since I went vegan so I wanted to celebrate by having a nice meal. Above is the appetiser I had at Saf in Kensington (which was in the WF market). It was a platter of raw cheese (so, made out of nuts) and flax crackers. When it comes to vegan cheese, I find I'm very much a fan of the raw, nut-based ones as they're generally less processed than the serious faux-cheeses and the nut cheese is kind of a different type of food altogether. It's fatty, salty and satisfying the way a nice cheese might be to an omni or vego... but, I don't know, it's like it's doing it's own thing. I'm not thinking about how it could be dairy cheese when I eat it, I can just enjoy it for what it is. Also the waitress at Saf was super nice and came up to me as I was eating and started talking to me about how she was vegan too and how she liked working at a vegetarian restaurant. We vegan highfived, it was nice. She only chatted to me for a little which was good 'cause then it wasn't fully interrupting my meal but still lifted my mood. [Note: a vegan highfive is the same as a regular highfive, except they only happen between vegans, which is why you don't see them that often.] 

Notes in the drawing room. I like going to life drawing class. It lets me socialise a bit and flex my drawing muscles, which doesn't come easy to me. Also: more free food! Tea break in the middle of class is actually a legitimate tea/coffee/biscuit break where we gather 'round the table and pour ourselves tea from the pots provided, whereas at uni in Perth everyone just scatters off to buy a coffee or get something from their bag. I'm sort of impressed with how seriously the Brits take their tea. I've noticed in most semi-formal gatherings the person leading it (so, generally a tutor, as has been my case) always brings tea, coffee, milk and some sort of biscuit for dunking.

Black tea with one sugar for me, thanks, could you pass the biscuits...?

A Photo An Hour - Tuesday 31st January 2012

Hi everyone! This idea struck me after seeing similar posts on various blogs I follow, and thought it would be an interesting way to shake up the kinds of posts I've been making lately.

My alarm goes off at 7am and I snap this photo of the view out of the little window above my bed. I stay huddled in my doona for another 45 minutes.

8am.

Breakfast time. This is pretty much my go-to breakfast: porridge made with soy milk, with some crushed walnuts/almonds and a sliced banana on top. I have it with a glass of generic brand Berocca as it's been pretty cold/cloudy the past few days and I wanna keep my Vit B + C levels up.

9am and I'm on to the computer: Facebookin' and sending emails.

10am is time for me to unleash my inner housewife and put a (long-overdue) wash on.

11am sees me at my local Asda, debating which soy milk to buy. I got for the cheapest.

QUICK INTERRUPTION: at 11:30am, on the way home from the shops it started snowing. It wasn't heavy, but it was a first in my life, so I enjoyed it. I grinned like a loon all the way home.

12 noon.

Chatting to a friend on facebook, and marking things off my to-do list. The to-do list looks blank thanks to over-exposure, but I can assure you there is stuff on there! (And some of it is even crossed off).

1pm.

Time for lunch! Tofu-veg-noodle stir fry in a homemade satay sauce. I had this for lunch the day before and it was just too good not to have again real soon. It might even be for lunch today...

2pm.

Finished lunch, still on facebook (I'm sensing a theme here) and trying to organise in my head when I need to be at uni. It now comes to my attention that a seminar that I need to go to and an optional art history lecture that I want to go to are pretty much at the same time. Ho hum. Also: I'm keeping an eye on the weather outside in case it snows again.

3pm.

Brushing mah teeth, getting ready to leave.

4pm.

Waiting for my art history lecture to start.

5pm.

The end of the lecture. I missed a good portion of the lecture though, because I left to go and see if that other class was on. It wasn't. It'll be on next week. On Thursday. Maybe. So I got back just in time to jot down two points and then be dismissed.

6pm.

Back home. My bike has a flat that I haven't fixed and the bus was going to be a whopping 12minutes wait. It was cold, but I much prefer moving to waiting, so I walked home. My major extremities protested a little, but overall it was a nice walk home. Relaxed/warmed up with a class o' wine when I got inside.

7pm.

Trip planning.

8pm.

Still on the laptop (sigh). Booking a trip to Brighton for the 24-26 Feb. Hell looking forward to it. My main motivation for visiting this seaside town? Food. I know barely anything else about Brighton other than that it has a decent selection of vegan food, and I plan on gorging myself silly on any and everything there is on offer when I get there.

9pm.

Doing a bit of light reading in bed, making notes in my visual diary. I'm reading about the Dada movement, as their use of text is relevant to my project for this year.

I went to bed not long after this but it took me a while to get to sleep. I have a photo from 10pm out of that same little window from the 7am picture but to be honest it's so dark I can't even tell which way around it's suppose to go. So I'll spare you.

Doing this project was supposed to show you all what 'a day in the life' was like for me over here. It's a little boring/mundane (and I hate how many of these photos involve the laptop. I'm living my life in front of a screen, trying to hang on to home, when there's an amazing world right outside my front door), but that's life. This is me. I stay in my comfort zone while simultaneously trying to get outside of it. While I may have spent a good portion of the day in front of the laptop, I was also pretty productive (for me): I joined the gym at my uni. I organised my semester 2 units for when I get back to Australia. Booked a weekend getaway to Brighton (lol, almost wrote 'Britain'). Started planning my Europe travels for when my semester here finishes. Sent emails, booked importance appointments. I may have a laptop instead of a left hand, but that's ok. I'm going to try and 'get out' more often, perhaps even break my habit of going on the laptop first thing in the morning. We'll see.

Hope all is well over in Perth-town.

-Cathryn.