Big things and little things.

The past few days have been really eventful. I'm writing this blog right now to kind of catch how I'm feeling at this time.

First thing: I am currently in home in Perth. I flew back in on Thursday and I'm heading back to L-Town on Monday morning so it's been a kinda crazy, whirlwind, last minute trip. I was supposed to go to Brighton this weekend but changed plans, cancelled my bookings in Brighton and bought plane tickets to Perth just a few days ago.

I came back to Perth because I needed to see my friend Belle. Most people reading this will know that she's dying of cancer, so this weekend was pretty much the last time I'll see her. I wasn't originally going to come back... I called her when I found out, and we chatted for a bit and I just realised that right now, the other side of the world is not where I need to be. She didn't know I flew back, so it was nice to surprise her at her party on Friday night.

So yeah. These past 2 days in Perth have been really wonderful. It's so nice to be home and see friends and have them be happy to see me and be happy to see them. Right now there's a lot of closeness within my group of friends (and also between my mum and I) so it's nice to have that, even if it is because of something so sad. I hold nothing but love in my heart.

Right now it's nearly 2am on Sunday morning and I'm jetlagged. I'm not sure what else there is to say. It's funny being home: nothing has changed. I don't feel I've even been away. And part of me feels really bad when I think of going back to my second home in London, because it's lonely there. I haven't made a lot of friends (or any, let's be real) so there's definitely an isolation thing going on in my head. I want to stay here, with people I love, but at the same time I can also feel a fondness/familiarity for London, so it's not all bad going back. It's kind of like... a slightly happy resignation feeling? Or... I feel sad, but strong, like I know I can do it, regardless of homesickness. Being in London is hard, but I really do love it there. I'm glad I'm there. Losing Belle, as hard as it is, has pushed me to not allow myself to take things for granted. I don't want to waste another moment of my life dwelling on useless, sad stuff when I could be outside smelling roses and shit. This is it.

I feel like the past 7 weeks I've been in London have been me 'testing the waters', so to speak. Like, I've dipped my toes in, got a feel for it and now I'm back in Perth briefly to get a hug and a pep talk from the people I love and I'm ready for round 2: I can do this. I know where home really is for me and right now I have this awesome opportunity and it's already going so fast and I wanna make the most of it. As much as I wanted to come back to see Belle, I know I personally needed to come back too. I really am the kind of person who would fly from one side of the world to the other just for a hug. And I'm ok with that :)

Isabelle, I'm not sure if you'll read this but I'm putting it here anyway: I love you. I (and all of us - your friends) are so lucky to have known you <3